On Rock Band Introductions

One sort of interesting gimmick that I've noticed most bands employ is an audio-visual introduction that plays just before they begin their set. Ostensibly this gives the band a little grace period in between the moment when they victoriously appear on stage, pump their fists in the air, and point out which fangirls they wish to spend quality time with that evening, and the moment when (places, everyone!) they actually begin playing their instruments, usually in a manner that suggests that they were not actually present in the studio when their album was recorded. Often this A/V production is either rather artfully put together, as was the video of animated cut-outs that introduced the Barenaked Ladies when I saw them back in 1998, or is a shameless mish-mash of clips from recent films, aggravatingly re-imagined with ridiculous techno effects. This was the case when I went to see The Buzz Bake Sale, where I believe it was Fuel who swaggered on stage accompanied by a barrage of f-word heavy Samuel F. Jackson quotes (but really, are there any other kind?) from Pulp Fiction, tastefully interspersed with the soothing sounds of gun fire and the pitiful squeals of dying extras.

I've decided that when my pet project, the electronic rock band Fruitcakes on the Edge (TM), takes to the stage, our sonic cushion between groupie selections and poorly rendered hits will be a selection from There Will Be Blood. “I'll drink your milkshake” is excellent but overdone; once Saturday Night Live has covered it, it's officially jumped the shark; so my intro soundbite will have to be “I'm what some of you would consider an oil man.” It's perfect, really – obtuse and meaningless enough to make 98% of the audience think, “I don't understand, so it must be artistic,” and then clap enthusiastically while the other 2%, the hopelessly pretentious elite, secretly pat themselves on the back for recognizing the quote's source while they outwardly roll their eyes and sniff to their neighbors with no small amount of superiority, “Really, I prefer The Arcade Fire's 'Whale Mating Calls' introduction.” Then as the words “OIL MAN” loop with tech effects that do that awesome voice alteration thing that will make Daniel Day Lewis sound like everything on the scale from Shirley Temple to Ving Rhames, the video screen will flash back and forth between pictures of oil drums and pictures of increasingly more manly men, beginning with, say, Daniel Craig, and then reaching its epoch with that most manly of creatures, the hirsute 70s porn star (preferably Italian).

RECOMMENDED FOR FURTHER READING:
Christina Aguilera's "Back to Basics Tour" intro uses those cheesemaster vocal effects I heart so dearly:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8k_Mr4_FU0Q
Muse's "Peer Gynt Suite" intro from the H.A.A.R.P. DVD, which screams "We Are Serious Artists!":
http://youtube.com/watch?v=edr_id_Klz4
Beyonce's "The Beyonce Experience" intro, which screams "Fiercer than Tyra Banks!":
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cSCkI1B4WdA